Many of you know this.
In 2011 I made a major decision in my life. I decided that after being obese all my life, I was going to have gastric bypass surgery. I lost over 150 lbs. I have had weight issues all my life and my body doesn’t seem to recognize when it has hit full. So I’m always hungry. I eat when I am bored or alone. I can’t resist food being left in the break room. It doesn’t matter if I just ate or not. The call of fresh warm Shipley’s donuts is a siren song I cannot resist. But dammit I try.
I got down to 128 pounds. My bones were showing and I was wearing a size 6. Sometimes a 4. Now that’s somewhere I NEVER wanted to be. My goal was a size 10.
Well, chemotherapy has made me gain weight. 15 pounds in fact. I am comfortably sitting in my size 10 jeans. They are tight on my thighs and hips. I sit all day at work.
I’m not allowed to get my heart rate up too high because of the chemo. Last night I got on the treadmill and started to walk. Well then I decided to run. Radlad’s treadmill is at an angle which makes it significantly harder to run. But I am a stubborn ass. I ran anyway. Now I didn’t get very far. In 15 minutes of walking and running I made it a little over a quarter mile. (Before chemo I was running 11 minute miles). So as the sweat was pouring out of my body.. my legs were screaming. I just could not go any further. I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest.
I got frustrated. I threw my phone.
I am really trying hard to lose 10 lbs now. I want my size 10 jeans to be comfy; not tight.
I am doubling my intake of tea. Yes, I should drink water but it’s too plain. Water flavoring is so boring now.
I am going to SPEED WALK/NOT RUN on the treadmill (or outside if weather permits) for 30 minutes a day. Except Sundays. AND if I am going dancing, I will bypass the treadmill and opt for dancing my ass off instead.
I will eat fruit instead of pastries.
I will take it easy and not have a heart attack while trying to maintain my weight.
Apparently, dieting is not supposed to be a part of chemo. But it will be for me.
I will not let the voices inside my head win. I am still beautiful. 15 pounds is nothing. I can lose that in a month, easily.
I know how to eat. I just need to get back to eating correctly. Treating myself once a week instead of nightly.