After chemotherapy they
don’t want you to have sex for three days. After doing research, here is why:
·
Some types of chemotherapy can lead to changes in the lining of
the vagina, which may make vaginal injuries more likely during intercourse.
During intercourse, normal bacteria that live on the skin or in the genital
tract may be introduced into your bloodstream.
If your chemotherapy reduces the levels of your germ-fighting
white blood cells, you may not be protected from these bacteria. Your doctor
may recommend you avoid sexual intercourse until your white blood cell counts
rise to safe levels.
If chemotherapy causes a low platelet count, intercourse could
cause bleeding. If your platelet count is extremely low, severe bleeding could
occur.
So there we go. Not
because it will cause cancer of the dick but because I could bleed and have the
ouches. Fun times.
Ahhh cancer. You really have
to mess everything up. The physical part is not what gets me. It is jumping
past the mental portion.
It is REALLY, REALLY hard to feel like a
sexual creature when you are sick to your stomach and you want to vomit. It is
a serious Oscar winning shit to put all that aside and just try to live in the
moment. To try forgetting the pain and try to live in the touch or kisses is
FUCKING HARD.
It is hard to believe
that someone wants to be intimate with a stage 4 cancer patient and all the
drama that comes with it. My life since January has been like Jerry Springer
lite. I am sure my life is fodder for all sorts of conversations. I am doing
what I need to do to stay alive. I won’t lay down and die. Apparently I can’t
just lay down and have sex either. So I get the mental downward spiral..
You feel bad, then you
feel bad that you feel bad.
Then you feel worse that
you feel bad for feeling bad.
Then you get angry for
feeling worse that you feel bad for feeling bad…
It keeps going.
And then you wonder, why
anyone would stick around for this. And you worry everyone will leave your
cancer ridden ass. And you’ll be all alone. So it’s like a horrible depression
session.
OHHHH and then you get to
deal with the fact that you have random hair loss. You don’t look like the
person you were months ago… Oh and weight gain issues and it’s all together a
cluster.
I need constant reassurance
that I am attractive and sexy... I need to be told. I have to hear it. I have
to believe it. The only time I feel sexy is when I am dancing. I don’t even
need a drink. I just seem to let go.
Which is something I wish
I could do in the bedroom (or where ever). I get stuck in my head. I get
nervous. I can’t seem to let go. I mean, I’ve watched enough porn to say, ‘hey that
looks like fun’ or ‘how the hell is that possible’. I’m open for about anything
(except one thing….) and I just can’t seem to get the courage to jump. I think
a lot of people are like this, not just Kari the chemo girl. But adding the ‘Who
the hell wants to have sex with the girl filled with cancer?’ in the mental
picture sure makes it harder.
So cancer.. gives me the
big unfuck you.
How does chemo girl work
around this?
Well, it’s hard. It’s
really hard.
I don’t get why anyone
would find me attractive. I get it when I’m all dressed up at the club but I
don’t get it in normal life. SOoooo I do little things to make me feel good. I
can’t shave so I spend a while covered in VEET. Wash that all off. Spend time
soaking in the tub with a LUSH product. Then come out, moisturize. I’ll wear a wig. Find something comfortable
maybe a little sexy. Just being comfortable and smelling good in my own skin
does wonders. So that helps boost.
Communication. So it’s
hard to tell when the sex should happen. He knows when I don’t feel good and he
also thought that the escape to the bathroom meant, ‘fuck off’, when it meant
the exact opposite. Sometimes when I am feeling the mood.. I have to say ‘HI! I
WOULD LIKE THE SEX NAO. PLZKTHNKSBI’ and he does too. It seems stupid but it
works. Especially if you aren’t feeling worthy of breathing and your loved one
is finding the need for you. And you’re in some other world hating on yourself…
Self Worth – Even though
I am going through all of this nonsense. I am worth it. I am worth the fight. I
am worth the worry and stress.
It’s a hard, hard battle.
But worth it. Cause that after glow is totally amazing.
RadLad would like to have the sex Kthanksbye
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