Friday, May 31, 2013

You only hurt the ones you love - Chemo Farts

I am not the most lady-like woman you will ever meet. I eat. I drink. I watch football. I love hockey. I love MMA. I love wrestling (especially the Miz and CM Punk). I shit. I piss. I fart.


Apparently, in the things they should tell you, they should also warn you about the gas you are going to have.


So the first time I ever had chemo and every time after,  I have the most outstanding farts. You know those farts you get that you cannot believe just came out of you so you wallow in your stink and wait for everyone else to notice? Yeah, it’s those. And not only do I have the worst gas ever, I lock the windows on the way home. This leaves Radlad scratching at the windows. It’s pretty awesome. I also chase Radlad around with my butt and call them butt kisses. “I want to give you a kiss! Why are you running away?” It’s pretty awesome.


And the best part is the look that people give you. You just sit there and grin while everyone gives you the ‘Oh my God! You might want to check your pants.”, “Did something die in your ass?”. My favorite so far was from RadLad, “if you do that at _____ ‘s house. I’ll marry you!”.


Or you can choose to strafe a while area. Walk slowly through people while letting it loose and watch them all look at each other accusingly.


My favorite thing is to open the freezer doors in the grocery store. Especially where something is on sale (so you know people are opening the door frequently) let one go and then watch someone open the door.


Chemo farts, a blessing. A curse. And fucking hilarious.



1 comment:

  1. Oh dear god!! Driving down GWB doing 75 she farts almost knocks me unconscious makes my eyes water and at that point I knew... GOD I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!