Feeling pretty when having cancer is nearly impossible.
I feel tired, yellow, weak. Not to mention, I am bald.
Tonight, I have a couple of dear friends of mine getting married. I am super excited for them. I spent a great deal of time picking out the perfect dress, shoes and handbag. I got them for a STEAL of course. But the real question comes when I look at myself in the mirror.
Do I wear a wig? Which wig do I wear? Should I bring a scarf as backup? Should I care and just go bald? How are people going to react to my mask? Which mask do I wear?
Face it. I have cancer. I am going to get the looks. No matter how much makeup I have on and how pretty I look… how ‘normal’ I look. I still have cancer.
But you know what? I’m kicking this cancer’s ass. So who cares?
That’s what I am saying on the outside.
Inside I feel ugly, broken and sad. Wigs will cover up my head but if it flies off while I am dancing, I think I would cry. My make up makes my eyes look pretty but why the hell do I even bother with lipstick? No one sees it and only I know it's there.
So I think I will hold my head up high, wear my mask and my bald head.. put a fascinator on and go. I’ll bring a scarf just in case I get cold. Reapply my lipstick when it comes off and be alive. Celebrate life and two people you love who are joining themselves. They invited me. They support me. They have been true friends to me before cancer and especially now. So brush it off.
Quite honestly, this wedding is not about my head. It’s not even about me. If people are going to look at me and stare, I’ll say something about staring at my beauty… not even make mention of my mask.
Hold your head up, girl. You are beautiful. You are worth it. Believe it. Own it.