It’s been a long road so far and the road ahead is looking bumpy, scary and full of things ready to jump out at me unexpectedly.
I am scared to death. I won’t lie. Maybe I shouldn’t say death. I should just say I’m TERRIFIED.
I had my biopsy on Monday to just verify that it was the same cancer and I had not upgraded to something more (like lung cancer). Tuesday I had an MRI to verify that it had not spread to my head. I have been having some headaches that have been leading to vision loss in my left eye. So we are just making sure I haven’t fully over achieved to a brain tumor on top of everything else.
This is what I know so far.
1) I have to have chemo. It will be worse. It will be harder. I will be sick as hell.
2) I will have to have bone marrow transplants.
3) I will be in the hospital at some point
4) I WILL Be out of work
5) I WILL Be taking some classes to keep my brain occupied
6) I WILL Be on disability
7) Chris has been nice enough to allow me to stay on his insurance, for now.
This is what I don’t know.
I don’t know HOW MUCH chemo or HOW MANY chemo appointments there will be.
I don’t know how much bone marrow
I don’t know what type of transplants for sure
I don’t know how long I will be in the hospital
I have LTD & STD but they pay SHIT. It won’t even cover my bills but it is SOMETHING.
I don’t know how long Chris will let me stay.
I don’t know how I am going to make ends meet.
I know everything will work out. It always does. It will just be rough.
I have three people going with me on Friday for the appointment so I should have plenty of company.
Things I am looking forward to:
Halloween parties coming up this weekend
Pearl Jam concert in November
Just when the air smooth’s out, there is turbulence. I need a break. I good one.
I will enjoy the small things while they are still here