Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The road ahead

It’s been a long road so far and the road ahead is looking bumpy, scary and full of things ready to jump out at me unexpectedly.


I am scared to death. I won’t lie. Maybe I shouldn’t say death. I should just say I’m TERRIFIED.


I had my biopsy on Monday to just verify that it was the same cancer and I had not upgraded to something more (like lung cancer). Tuesday I had an MRI to verify that it had not spread to my head. I have been having some headaches that have been leading to vision loss in my left eye. So we are just making sure I haven’t fully over achieved to a brain tumor on top of everything else.


This is what I know so far.


1)      I have to have chemo. It will be worse. It will be harder. I will be sick as hell.

2)      I will have to have bone marrow transplants.

3)      I will be in the hospital at some point

4)      I WILL Be out of work

5)      I WILL Be taking some classes to keep my brain occupied

6)      I WILL Be on disability

7)      Chris has been nice enough to allow me to stay on his insurance, for now.


This is what I don’t know.


I don’t know HOW MUCH chemo or HOW MANY chemo appointments there will be.

I don’t know how much bone marrow

I don’t know what type of transplants for sure

I don’t know how long I will be in the hospital

I have LTD & STD but they pay SHIT. It won’t even cover my bills but it is SOMETHING.

I don’t know how long Chris will let me stay.

I don’t know how I am going to make ends meet.


I know everything will work out. It always does. It will just be rough.


I have three people going with me on Friday for the appointment so I should have plenty of company.


Things I am looking forward to:

Halloween parties coming up this weekend

Seeing Rocky

Pearl Jam concert in November


Just when the air smooth’s  out, there is turbulence. I need a break. I good one.


I will enjoy the small things while they are still here


  1. Let me know if Will and I can help with things...we may not have much, but we're pretty good at having shoulders to cry on, ears to vent into and he's great for being a punching bag when you just need to get out your frustrations.

  2. I'm about to buy the hell out of some Scentsy.