Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The biopsy - The Second Time

So here is where I explain to you what it is like to have a biopsy done

(While I recall today, please remember that this was my fourth one this year. This story has remained pretty much the same each time.)

The cancer biopsy is a day surgery. You get to the hospital 1.5-2 hours ahead of time. You get registered. Today, the lovely lady at the front desk said I had not met my deductible and I almost peed myself laughing... Told her to just send that right in to insurance.

ANYWAY, then the lovely nurses take you back to a room. Sometimes you get your own room but in larger hospitals, like today, you get in a mass room with other people who are having biopsies done. Then you fill out paperwork and explain what procedure you are going to have done...Or in my smart ass case, I explain it to them while they chuckle. I was even explaining to everyone else what the boxes meant. This one is if something happens, do you want blood transfusions. This one allows them to tape your procedure for future reference.. Seriously, I had the nurses laughing..

So normally the doc comes in and tells you what's going on but this time, the doc comes in and sits down. Now he's been in the room two other times to talk to the other patients getting biopsied but I got the sit down. Apparently he's read my extensive file. He's concerned about the mass in my lungs and wants to do a biopsy on the top mass near my sternum. I explained to him that this was already done last week and was inconclusive, that's why I was sent to this hospital... He gives me confused face. He has no idea I already had this type of biopsy before. Somehow he's missed this in my file. So I'm concerned that I almost just paid for something I already had done.. and the fact he's not as clued in as I thought he was. Which is sort of a relief to us both, because now he's going to do some more research before he pulls me back. So an hour or so passes and he comes back in. Turns out he's run into my marrow doctor and they've agreed it's time to go ahead and go in to the bottom part of my lung and biopsy those two tumors. SWEET! Its about time. I give him a high five and the nurse as well. We head down the hall to the room.

So this is where things go back to being similar. They wheel you in a room with an open MRI.. or CT scan. Put you on the machine and start the machine going. Well, the put me on my side and get the CT scan going. After a few minutes, doc comes out and says, looks like whatever antibiotics they had you on cleared up the lung infection. You probably had pnemonia but those masses are gone. Little happy dance commences. So we're going after that mass in your chest.

So they do the iodine test to make sure it's all still there. WORST TASTE AND FEELING EVER. I vomited in my mouth. And the warm all over feeling.. not so welcome with a mouth full of vomit. Back and forth on the machine and wait? what's that you say? My blood pressure is 70/55? SHIT.

So they cannot give me sedatives until my blood pressure gets back up.. So we sit up and start tellig stories until my blood pressure reaches an acceptable stage. That's when the drugs start. And they're supposed to make me sleepy. Doc starts inserting this needle.. into my chest.... right in front of my eyes. and I flip out a bit.... So they give me more drugs and try it again... Needless to say I'm a chatty mo fo. But now I start moving my arms about. Because I love to tell stories with my hands.

This is not exactly helpful to a doctor with a big fucking needle he's trying to stick into your chest... right near a major artery.

They have to explain this to me at least three more times before they finally give up and knock me the fuck out. well sort of, because apparently I really wanted to be awake. I asked if I could take a picture of him stabbing me in the chest for my blog. AND my blood pressure is dropping.. SOOOO doc gets me all loopy and finally still.

And STABBY STABBY STABBY happens. About 30 minutes of digging later and he's 'all done'. But I go to sit up and... I have a feeling in my chest that I haven't had before. And my blood pressure drops.. And he says possible knicked artery.

Not to worry but I'll be there for a minimum of 4 more hours on bed rest.

Oh yeah, also,, I haven't eaten since 8pm the night before. I also haven't had anything to drink since midnight.

Bitch seriously needs a cracker.and I'm in some serious fucking pain. I can hardly breathe.... I'm bleeding like a stuck pig... So I cave and ask for hydrocodone and proceed to sleep for a few hours.

Doc comes back and does chest xrays says they looks exactly like they did coming out of the procedure.. So I'm still bleeding heavily but it doesn't look like it's leaking from my artery.So go home.

But instead ..I go to Sprinkles. I'm bleeding out of my chest, I haven't eaten all day.. surely, a cupcake is the best choice I could possibly make, right?


But I'm a grown up and a four hour procedure took me 9.

And, of course, was complicated.

I should know something by Friday. I am in a lot of pain tonight. And it hurts to breathe. So he said he went deeper than the other biopsy people have done. He hopes he got it. If not, I'll have to do another biopsy.


  1. *hug* Cupcake is DEFINITELY warranted after a day like today, even for a grown up!

  2. You should have eaten TWO cupcakes. <3

  3. Fuck. All the cupcakes. They belong to you. <3 I'll keep my fingers and eyes crossed that you don't get to do another biopsy.

  4. I wish you many cupcakes, girlie. Both now and in the future. Remind me to bring some the next time I have the honor of being invited to one of your gaming nights/get-togethers.